Not a blog about Margaret Thatcher.
My mother, about 45 years ago. An old polaroid. When this was taken she had just been given permission to drive. Before that my father did all the driving which gave him a certain amount of control.
My reaction upon hearing of his death this morning was roughly the same as that of many Britons upon hearing of the death of Thatcher. You may be thinking to write that you are sorry, but it's ok. I'm not sorry. I'm not running around singing, but I am not sorry. I am at peace; I have been at peace for a long time.
The last time my mother recognized me, before Alzheimer's completely took her away, she gave me a gift. She told me to save myself. From him. And I did.
Those are three pretty powerful paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteOur fathers sound very similar. Your mother, like mine, must have been a very strong person. All my brothers and sisters miss her every day.
ReplyDeleteMuch said, in few words. Made me wonder how I would react if I heard about my father's death. But since I cut all ties with him many years ago, I have no way of knowing if he is even still alive.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for you words and your honesty. There are many men in the world who, sadly, had rough fathers, and chose, nevertheless, to be kind, wise and gentle.
ReplyDeleteWhen we give ourselves permission to let go and live on, good stuff happens. First off is the peace. For me, I try to be a more communicative mother.
ReplyDeleteMy very abusive father is dying of an auto-immune condition right now. I haven't seen him in over 25 years. I will likely not have any real feeling of sadness when he passes. My mom and I have a much better relationship now, but it hurts that she acts as if all the blame is on him that her life was hard. They were both incredibly abusive to me.
Oh dear, hugs you tight, darling Benni. So sorry to hear of your sorrow, makes me know how lucky I was to have the father I did. Miss him dearly. My children don't see their father and there is a reason for it, sometimes you simply have to let go ................save yourself and run.
ReplyDeleteto the others also on the page , loves and hugs.
Thank you, Art (Mel) and Marianne. Yes, letting go is a healing process, but there is often sorrow over the relationship that might have been. I have been lucky in my life to have had good men (and women) who nurtured me and taught me another way.
ReplyDeleteThe title of this blog is from a song by Elvis Costello. It's a pretty angry song and I realize now I was feeling angry then. That has slowly ebbed away.
I was so very lucky to have a really nice father (and mother too). I'm sorry you were not so lucky. I don't really know what else to say.
ReplyDeleteNo need for words. I feel your kind presence with me.
ReplyDeleteThough I have not had such circumstances, I can figure out how I would feel if I had been so unlucky... Warm hugs, Benni!
ReplyDeletePS: Should you like to see Azores photos please visit my Flickr homepage and you'll find the related albums.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/73495572@N00/
I'm glad that you are at peace and the strong person you are. I'm sure it was a lot harder in the past and I'm sorry that your relationship with your father was not a good one.
ReplyDeleteWonderful momma you had... and a generous one. I'm glad you could save yourself, and really glad you did.
ReplyDeleteMomma gave a lot. I like to think I will meet her again. And we can talk. My thanks to everyone.
ReplyDeleteI'm very glad you saved yourself. Sometimes that's all you can do,,,
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